as I go through my teenage life..

I remember when I was still a kid..
I have no problems, not even a single..
I just enjoy my life and worry about nothing..
People saw sweet smiles from me..
but what now?
I'm a teenager..
dilemmas started to come..
and every teenagers common dilemmas is of course, LOVELIFE.
well, I start to experience this.
before, I just experience the so-called "puppy love"
to be honest, in that time, i don't know the meaning of love.
gradually, I begin to know the true meaning of love based on my experiences.
i didn't know that rejecting someone who is courting you is such a big hurt for them.
as days come that I'm becoming mature, many boys began entering my life.
as one day, I'm trapped between two boys.
they both love me. really.
well, for now, they're both courting me.
I can't pick from them..
I don't want to hurt any of them..
so I decided not to undergo a relationship..
I'll just wait for the day that I will be ready..
and I think, on that very day, one of them have quit.
but what if none of them quit?
how will I choose?
will I base from who is the first?
who showed more love?
or just ignore them and find another?
well, making decisions is the hardest part in loving.
but just what they have said..
"in making decisions, there is no right nor wrong"

imagination-infatuation

While with my friends,
I just stopped and imagine something..
I imagined that me and you are together..
walking on the streets one night..
holding each other's hand..
People stare at us..
they're envied..
we headed through the park and sit..
we look up the sky and point the stars..
after..
we lay our heads under the sky..
we closed our eyes and promised
to be together forever..
but in the middle of our happiness,
your girl came..
She held your hand and pull you away to me..
I tried to pull you but I can't..
You go with her and leave me alone..
My eyes welled up tears..
I go home sobbing..
Then suddenly..
Someone spanks me..
It's my friend..
She said that I should stop daydreaming..
I ignored her..
I bow my head..
And cry REAL tears..

I'll still believe

I watch kids playing,
people chatting from a distance,
and happy passers-by..
But i keep still and made no any
movement of my body...
I was quiet..
Only their laughs you can hear..
Because I'm thinking of someone
who once made me happy..
The one who made me want to
wake up everyday of my life..
The one who made my eyes glow..
The one who give my life a purpose..
But also..
He's the one who made my tears fell..
You know why?
Cause every beat of his heart is for someone else..
and not for me..
He loves somebody..
And that girl is my bestfriend..
I can't blame her..
cause she have attractive eyes..
shiny hair..
sweet smile...
fair skin..
and hilarious laugh..
Almost an ideal girl..
Almost an angel..
I can't compare myself to her..
She's the sky..
And I'm the ground..
I can't never ever reach her..
I always close my eyes whenever she's around..
cause i know..
I will only be hurt when they're together..
I wish I was her..
But this wish will never be granted..
Cause no matter what I do..
She's still he girl he ever wanted..
She's the one who is destined for him..
But even I can never have him..
I'll still believe in destiny..
I'll still believe in love..
I was destined to someone better..
And I know..
Someone will love me for what am I.

my own love story..

Im here, seating on a comfy chair,
staring at the clock and watches
as time goes by so slowly...
Im wondr'ing if i could turn back time
and sa things that must be said..
But I realized it won't happen..
It's impossible..
Its impossible to drove unto the past
and change things..
You know we're in real life..
We're not in a fairy tale..
that magic makes all possible..
In my life,
you're love is the magic..
It makes all possible..
But how will it happen if you don't love me?
Instead of feeling good,
I felt unloved, uncared and rejected..
You never learned to love me..
Even I lay on a bed of nails,
and kneel on a thousand needles,
you're still the same..
You're still the guy who crushed my heart,
made my eyes well up tears,
and made me want to die..

After all these things,
I am afraid to love again..
I am afraid to be hurt.
But when I met a guy that swears to love me,
I moved on..
He cared, he loved.
But it's jus for an instant..
He leaves me..
Now that I'm empty again..

Should I love you again?
Or move on and find again another?